PARENTING TODAY'S CHILD
The Parenting Challenge
We need to pass a test to gain a license to drive a car. It’s required to have vocational training or a college degree to enter most professions, but parenting, one of the most important “professions” does not require any training or experience.
There are books and articles written on “how to parent” which give helpful advice, but the real challenge in parenting is being able to use this information in a meaningful, effective way.
While we parent our children, we are also reacting to our own internal thoughts and fears…fears about their present and their future. We also are influenced by society, school, other families and parents and, of course, our own families. There has never been a more pressured, competitive time for raising children…especially in Silicon Valley. It is human to want our children to have every opportunity, to achieve their best, to be competitive with their peers, but if we overprotect or do too much for them, we may inadvertently rob them of a meaningful learning experience.
The old proverb about teaching your someone to fish, versus catching one for them is true for your children in particular. Helping them to learn how to do for themselves is the key to raising independent, confident, successful adults.
Here are some suggestions for doing this:
1. Ask a child what their ideas are, versus telling them how or what to do when facing a project, problem, dilemma.
2. Mentor and guide by asking questions about their goals, making suggestions, then LET GO. Refrain from controlling or “doing” a child’s school work or other projects.
3. Don’t start off with punishment, but set up or allow for natural consequences to take place that teach a child what happens when they do the behavior that causes a problem.
4. Don’t give into a child/teens proclamations that “Sarah’s family lets her..” State your expectations, rules, and family agreements and say it’s a non-negotiable.
5. “No” is a complete sentence.
6. Acknowledge your child’s ideas, learning process, and growth…not perfection, grade, or end result.
Saying “no” and “letting go” are the most difficult, yet crucial aspects of parenting.
